Monday, May 31, 2004

(un-)connexions

First of all, let's mention this web-site's initial, tentative steps into the commercial world. I went to see American popsters Mudhoney, last night. They were OK - pretty much as you'd expect. Loud and bouncy. However, I did see, on the wall of the Astoria, a large screen which you could text messages to. For a fee. So I sent an advert for "What would Puskas do" there. And it appeared. Up on the big screen. Fantastic. Sit back and wait for the hits. It was a least a more worthwhile message than "XYZ is gay" which, for some reason, seemed to be the most popular.
Moving on. As we all must. Let us turn our gaze on reality television. This is something that has irritated me for a long time, preying as it does on the least-likeable aspects of us as humans. Our seemingly innate voyeurism. Let's gather a bunch of people in a house and watch their every move. Maybe (fnar, fnar) they'll do some sex! Get a grip (no, not like that, you disgusting individual). If you want to watch shagging, watch porn. Don't watch a bunch of desperate, sad specimens willing to whore their privacy for the sake of their 15 minutes of fame. Wow - maybe they'll get a chance to release a single. Maybe host a chat-show in the nether regions of cable hell. Maybe, if we're lucky, they'll just fuck off back to their miserable lives and we'll never hear from them again (this will happen at some point to all of them, it's just that with some it takes longer than others).
Big Brother, of course, isn't the worst of these. There's one called "Temptation Island" in which a group of couples are split up - blokes one place, women in another, and surrounded by a group of rather attractive people who's sole aim is to have sex with them. This, to me, is deeply unpleasant - feeding on failing relationships, then passing it off as entertainment. However, what sympathy you have for these people dissipates as soon as you hear them talk. Muppets, the lot of them. For want of a better term. Here's a good idea. How about a reality show in which the contestants are locked in a house with a Jason-Vorhees-type serial killer? They can have as much sex as they like, but ultimately a man with a hockey mask will chop them up with a machete. It's got to be a big hit with the viewers, desperate for that extra twist which current reality tv can't give them. And best of all, there can be a celebrity version. Get your votes in now for who you want on it. I'll start with Richard Littlejohn, Jim Davidson and Tara Palmer-Tomkinson. But there are plenty of others.

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