Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Celebrity Cat Island

I have seen the future of broadcasting. It is my new show "Celebrity Cat Island". Eight cat celebrities are transported to an island, where they swan around, purring, performing various spurious tasks and sleeping, whilst the Great British Public vote on which one they like, and which they want to see thrown off the island. Ultimately, we are left with one cat, who's prize is a year's supply of tuna, and the job of Chief Political Correspondent at the BBC.
The only problem anyone has managed to point out to me with this show is the lack of eligible cat celebrities. My initial suggestions - Bagpuss, Custard, Henry's Cat and Top Cat - were all knocked back on the (I thought rather churlish) basis that they weren't real. I could say much the same about many celebrities. However, on the basis that we can't really make Celebrity Cat Island with cartoons and puppets, here are the final cats who made the cut:
1) The cat at the start of Coronation Street;
2) The white, long-haired cat stroked by Blofeld in the Bond films;
3) Felix - the first cat to go into space;
4) The Cat From Outer Space - eponymous hero of the 1970s Disney film;
5&6) Jack and Jill - Blue Peter cats from the days when I used to watch Blue Peter;
7) Socks - former US presidential cat;
8) Humphrey - (possibly former) Downing Street cat - status currently unknown, as apparently Cherie Blair didn't like him, and had him thrown out. Or that may just be a Daily Mail lie...
On the basis that not all these cats are alive, their offspring will be used, justified by virtue of what I believe is known as the Callum Best Principle - that you are a celebrity as long as you have a parent who was, no matter how talentless, pointless and vaccuous you may be. Thus. Celebrity Cat Island. Enjoy it - you know it'll happen.

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