Thursday, February 03, 2005

Careering off the rails

It is with a vague interest that I note the current pope is ill. Quite ill, in fact. Purely because, as I may, or may not (I can't quite remember, and can't be bothered to go and check) I want his job. I like the idea of Papal Infallibility, you see. The celibacy that people talk about is clearly optional - I could get shot of that by standing on a "Let's Get Back To Renaissance Values" ticket, and reminding them all of what the Borgias were like when they held the papacy. I can even hold regular orgies round the Vatican, if anyone wants to come along...
But no, the College of Cardinals - I reckon I can convince them. I went to college, after all, and know more about cardinals than most people - how many people can discuss transfinite cardinals, and the power-set of Aleph_0, after all? Woodin Cardinals? I have Set Theory covered, damn it.
But Papal Infallibility, imagine the power. I could go down the pub, and shout at the football, "Damn it, ref, Wayne Rooney should have been sent off for that", and, when the chap next to me says, "What for? He hasn't done anything, yet...", I can respond, "Because I'm infallible, and I know he should be sent off".
That'd see them packing. Papal infallibility - give it to me, now...

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